~Leo~The Fearsome Lion

Tis Blog (so as the user) is announce dead !!!

2009-07-18T19:45:00.002+08:00

well , at tis point of time i doubt any1 would even browse through tis blog since it has been dead long long time ago . oh well , in anycase tis would be the last post for tis blog anw ....

sry and sad to say but tis blog will be announce dead with immediate effect (unofficially dead long ago) , and another impt matter is the owner of tis blog is DEAD, i am jus helping the owner of tis blog to post it as his request ...

Hope he will R.I.P tgt with tis blog announcing dead ................

well it may seems useless to post it since i doubt any1 would passby and see tis post and know tt the user is dead , but as owner's request will still post it anw ..........................................

~DeadOut~
~R.I.P Out~

I think i am gona fall sick soon again......

2008-12-13T03:16:00.002+08:00

Exam is over quite some time , bt still does'tn seems to be very happy abt it .....

almost everyday work and came back home at ard 12.30am and play dota with frens til 3am plus .....

recently started to go swimming and play basketball all alone , feeling alright , but still don feel gd ....

working long day is gd , can keep me busy , playing ALMOST EVERYDAY with fren til 3am plus is nt gd for health bt somehow i like it , i jus dunno y ....

when working or playing at midnight , it makes me feel tt i am still being regonise by ppl ard me ....

ZZZZZZzzzzzzZzzZz i feel so emo and lifeless whenever i am NEITHER working NOR playing with frens ... i ... i duno wad and how to explain , i will jus feel like a nobody , a person tt is not even exist and ppl will nt notice me ....

SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...............................................................................................................................................

~DepressionOut~
~OverExhaustOut~

Tmr .... The Final Day .....

2008-12-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

tml will be the last paper alr , but somehow i don feel cheerful neither i feel sad nor worried , i jus feel emotionless ...... thats all ....

NTH MORE ...... NTH LESS .... JUS EMOTIONLESS ...... LIKE A LIVING ZOMBIE ......

NO DIFF THAN A DEAD PERSON .....

i don mind to tell any1 tt i will nt be studying for tmr paper , even if i study now it wount get into the head so wats the point ?? i don mind to jus say out tt i will jus liten to music , play psp , use com for the rest of the nite today ....

at most tmr go sch earlier to 'ling shi bao fuo jiao' to read and hope most tt i study tmr morning will come out ... i jus cant study now .... forget it .....

~EmotionlessOut~
~ExamOut~

'Emo' tis name started to cling on me ?? ZZZzzZZ

2008-11-22T02:00:00.003+08:00

Haiz ..... Hate Emo , Bt started to gt used to Emoing .... sometimes even likes to gt emo (crazy am i huh???) .

Exams is coming up , and u know wat ?? i kana the debar letter lo , cuz of wat ?? attandance poor , seriously quite poor since these few mnths , i jus tend to slack it off , slack at home , rot at home , emo at home ... No moltivation to go on ...

Exam is REALLY and i am SERIOUS its very close , i wanna study hard , i wanna go poly but ..................... i jus cant find a single slightest moltivation to push me .... due to tis , i quite often nvr go sch etc etc , bt i still can catch up with the rest ...

NO MOLTIVATIONS !!!!!!!!!! F*** AND EXAMS IS SO DAMN IT NEAR !!!!!!! S**T ...

TO BE FRANK ITS BEEN SO LONG TT I AM REALLY SCARED AND WORRY FOR MY EXAMS AND TIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL !!!!!!!!!!! I STILL CANT FIND ANY MOLTIVATION !!!!!!!!

sry tt i have been announcing to change blog but haven cuz i lazy to do it still , partly due to emo ? and no moltivation also ??

Well i jus need to force myself bt i tried .... it fail .... plz plz , don let me sink even deeper .... its going end of tis year and plz stop torturing me ever since start of tis year ... its jus hellish so many things happen tis year ... i jus wish tt ending of tis year can let me have some peace .... 'wish is nt enough, need to prove it with my own' tt logic i know , bt i am jus been so down ...............

~ExamOut~
~EmoOut~(when can i stop using tis)
~NoMoltivationOut~(when can i stop using tis also)

Something to be happy about !!!

2008-11-18T09:21:00.002+08:00

YES !!! hahahahaha, my sister's baby princess have step into tis world le !!! her first cry , her first breathing of air ! hahahaha i JUS receive the newz from my 'jie fu' at hospital ... lol !!! WEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee .... lol . later going to visit her with my family ^^ right now go makan breakfast first than go see her .

I WANNA SEE THE BABY ASAP !!! CUZ I AM OFFICIALLY PROMOTE TO 'jiu jiu'(Uncle) rank liao from own family , and my parents officially promote to 'Ah Ma & Ah Gong' rank liao ... hahahahaha lame me , promote here and there , lol !! k la , gtg makan and faster see my sis's princess le ..

~PeaceOut~
~BabyOut~
~PrincessOut~
~'jiu jiu'Out~

I haven put it down and i haven pick myself's up??????? I myself also dunno abt it ............ oh well , forget it asap ba ..........................

2008-10-13T01:38:00.003+08:00

Love is unpredictable , it can come at the least expected moments of yr life bt it can also go at the most unexpected moments . Thanks bros , without yr ard i really dunno where am i alr ... its foolish bt i did think of it b4 (should know wats tt)

it really sucks , it really hurts bt i gona do tis no matter wat , mayb tis is the best thing i can think of . I have decided to change tis blog alr , its my final decision and i will nt tell her my new blog , it really hurts bt i have no choice ...

it hurts nt cuz of break (well partly) , bt it hurts cuz of wat i have done is nt enough to make her parent accept me ?? (although i think i have done nth bt waited for tt yrs is nt enough?) it hurts of y they don accept me , it hurts y he is immediately accepted to her family , it hurts tt i haven pick up myself from it let along thinking of going for another relationship and she is alr in sum1's hugs alr ???? WTF ???? I am nt saying she cant go for another since we alr break bt wtf ??? is our relationship so thin tt she can forget it fast and went for another ?? EVEN if she cant forget abt our past tgt bt she can go for another so fast ??? WTF ??

Its alr mid Oct and I still feel very very very vex on everything. anything and everything ....

forget it , i don wanna cont tis post , since she is alr in sum1's heart alr , no point to cont to say out my feelings , it sucks , it hurts , bt its best nt to disturb her anymore , neither contact nor msg with her is best to prevent me and her from being hurt to think back again .....

There is always a sentance tt says "yr cant be frens after breakup" and i know why they say so , whenever they try to contact each other as frens after break , it will flash back those past ...............

To people tt have links with her: DON EVER COME AND LECTURE ME ABT WAT I SAY IN TIS POST , IF REALLY WANNA COME LECTURE ME THAN MIGHT AS WELL JUS DON CONTACT ME AND END OUR FRENSHIP !!!

To her if she happens to see it (i hope nt cuz it will be less emo and more happy for her if she nvr reads it , bt if she really read tis post-->) have a wonderful relationship with yr bf and with yr life ...................................... i wish yr both tgt forever , sort things out tgt and overcome all obstacle ..............................................

In any case , i decided to end tis blog and cr8 another new 1 asap when i have the time since tmr sch re-open (don think i gt the mood to study in tis situation , i jus don feel like doing anything).

NOTICE: TIS BLOG IS PURELY WAT I THINK AND FEEL RIGHT NOW , TIS IS MY BLOG , A PLACE TO WRITE OUT MY FEELINGS , IF ANY1 WANNA COME LECT ME , LETS JUS BREAK OUR FRENSHIP TO EASE EACH OTHER FROM QUARRELL SINCE WE HAVE DIFF THINKING TT U (TT PERSON TT ALWAYS THINK HE KNOWS EVERYTHING AND LIKES INTERFERE WITH OTHERS PROB WHICH I HATE THOSE PEOPLE TT TRYING TO ACT SMART INFRONT OF ME ABT MY PROB) WANNA LECT ME ABT WAT I SAY .

TIS IS JUS A POST , A PASSBY OF MY LIFE , MY SADNESS , MY REGRETS , MY THOUGHTS .......................................................

~Life Sucks .................................. Out~

hmmm .... Dunno y today so damn gd mood !!

2008-09-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

Well, everything is bak to normal, nth much happen.

went sch in the morning to rush my project which today is the submission, manage to complete it nicely , after tt went work lo at 5. was doing atruim and due its weekdays so there is kinda few customer for me to promote the hari raya cookies ^^ And there was a malay guy with his wife and 2 kids came and look ard the cookies , so i entertain them and he really have sense of humour and really joke alot with me , well i kinda must thanks him for really making my day happy!!!

Here's the conclusion i decided to make once everything starts to settle down peacefully , first is i will change a new blog (partly is tis blog is nt nice and it has jus way too many unhappiness inside). Change and settle down my personallity and start to go out play sports and be cheerful back and keep going out so tt i wount keep shutting myself up at home and keep anyhow thinking which is BAD !!!

And last but nt least, i kinda starts to have the mood in doing alot of things and sports etc etc !!

~PeaceOut~ (wonder how long i use tis 'PeaceOut' alr to show tat i am normal or happy mood)

My heart is crying again and again and again.

2008-09-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

Yes, i can feel it again, i can feel my heart is crying again.....................

Everything i do i hurt people's feeling, EVERYTHING !!!! today i kinda hurt poh yee's feeling somehow at work . sucks and i am hurting another gal's feelings . i am so vex and moody while working today, dunno y, it jus happen. and i tried to msg them to hope if there is anything can change (or shouldi say i voice out my feelings abt how the way we (including me also) shuld change on the way we work) bt it does nt turn out gd.

Everything i do i hurt people's feelings, really ................. EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING AS LONG AS I AM THE ONE TT STARTED IT , IT WENT BAD WITHOUT EVEN NEED TO GUESS. It SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i can feel it again, the same feeling i had during june/july period , i feel like jus fucking close myself off from EVERYONE jus nt to hurt other people again nor hurt myself anymore, i CANT take the torture any longer. IS TIS ALL WHAT MY PREVIOUS LIFE'S SIN TT I HAVE DONE AND I HAVE TO PAY IT BACK TIS YEAR OR MAYBE EVEN REST OF MY YEAR???

I ............... wanna close myself ............... i really feel like closing myself , jus shut the hell door between me and outseide world can i ???????

~ShutOut~
~HurtOut~

NOTICE!!! TIS BLOG MAY BE DELETED SOON!!!

2008-09-13T01:41:00.003+08:00

NOTICE!!!! Tis blog may be deleted soon as i may jus cr8 another new one. 90% of the post are nth but jus saying abt my inner sadness, regret, guilty, fustration and alot more negative things.

I myself see also tired of it let along ppl who read my blog , everytime passby my blog see was all the unhappiness and my emo side, see alr also sianz.

I am still thinking on whether to delete tis blog anot, for now it will still be running along with my past ................................

~NoticeOut~

Have I FUCKING HELL BEEN CURSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-09T23:57:00.004+08:00

FUCK IT! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF TIS FUCKING WHOLE YEAR OF BAD LUCK, I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF ........................................................................................................ I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IT .................................. CAN THE BAD LUCK JUS FUCK OFF AND STAY AWAY FROM ME ! IT HAS BEEN CURSING ME EVER SINCE TIS ENITRE YEAR EVEN TIL TIS MOMENTS!

Feeling ups and downs....... Again ..........

2008-09-03T01:17:00.003+08:00

Well, first of all grats to eleanor for finding another new bf (must really treasure him tis time yea), i wish yr both sincerely to last forever, overcome and face every obstacles tgt ................................. Seems yr are really going well and u are able to always go out tgt to library and watch movies and etc etc and have him to always accompany u anywhere anyplace , tts good .............................. I AM GLAD FOR YR BOTH .............................................................

I wanna be like last time, went jogging, play badminton, went cycling, go out and enjoy instead of keep locking myself at home. I wanna have a taste back of old days when i had so much fun outside regardless of where and do wat and with anyone instead of locking myself at home. Here i am again , feeling down .......... i cnt help it .................. i need a push, i need freedom, i need ......... to breath .....................................

went to play badminton with my ITE junior on last wed (play at sch til 8pm where the sch is so dark and it was really fun cuz SO LONG since i am outside til so late (excluding work til late)) and ystd (Mon 1/9) at 'the frontier cc' for 2 hours . really had short taste of old days , those sweating when playing badminton with fierce opponent and the next day cramp all over my body. Its really fun ................. I am a sporty person, so if u ask me go out to shop i will gradually say no cuz no money and i dun like , ask me out for sports , hell yes ............................... bt it seems like its been so long since i have such fun ever since i last play badminton with YOU. its been so long and since than no one have play badminton with me not even with qx................................................

WHY AM I FEELING SO DOWN AGAIN ???????? ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .................. I NEED A HUG.......... SERIOUSLY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ................................................. WHY AM I CRYING NOW ???? SHIT I HATE TIS FEELINGS AGAIN .............

I THINK I MAY CHANGE MY BLOG SONG, IT MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE WHEN I READING ON TIS POST WHILE LISTENING TO IT (IF U KNOW THE LYRICS U WILL KNOW Y) CALL ME A CRYBABY IF YR WAN ..................................................................

~GratsOut~
~OldDaysOut~
~CryOut~

2008-08-31T01:52:00.004+08:00

In tis world there are full of different peoples and their characteristics. Some u only can idol them, some admire, some pity, some easy going and alot more.

get to the point, i admire a fren of mine which i jus know her. She was able to travel around(overseas) with her frens , go out often with her frens til quite late . She always like to pack her schedule full and had lots of activities on from morning til night , from working to driving to clubbing to supper all in 24 hour! She does'nt like to stay at home doing nth , she likes to go out to see and gain lots of experience through overseas and trying out new things.

I am almost totally different from her in a sense. I am more towards home boy , always stay at home doing nth , surf net and watch tv , slack and sleep. very seldom go out with frens til very late(only once in a blue moon went clubbing with frens) , never went overseas with frens (excluding school overseas trip la).

Many people are being confuse abt admire and idol , love and likes these 4 tgt. i tend to like her cuz i admire her the way she is , but sometimes will confuse of like her or admire her when u get to know her more . I admire her the way she is able to do things which i unable to .

LOL , but watever it is , i can only admire her and nth more than tat . Cuz i know my own limit and my thickness of my skin (lol) tat i can never love her as we are almost from 2 diff places tat can nvr be tgt , but neither i will avoid her nor get too close to her (even if i wanted to bt like i said i know my own limit).

NOTE: I am jus PURELY write out my own feelings as at tis time and NTH ELSE . NEITHER trying to give hints NOR trying to imply on anything. TIS is PURELY jus a post , a passing by of my life and my feelings and NTH ELSE . I DON'T wish to have any misunderstanding or dispute on tis post . tks ^^

~PeaceOut~
~AdmireOut~

CMPB Checkup!! Pes B

2008-08-22T23:43:00.003+08:00

Alrite ! Morning nvr went sch cuz suddenly remember tt my medical questioniar left it at Ikea which i print ystd at Ikea cuz there gt printer ma sommore need parent to sign , so if i go sch i will have no time to go Ikea to take the paper and let parent sign liao .

so ard 12pm my dad fetch me to Ikea first to gt the paper and let him sign , and then down to CMPB!!! went in and find 1 of my classmate is alr there which both our appointment is at 1pm .

sequence: first went in to ther first room (photo studios) , take off clothes and change to their uniform and had to photo taken . Nxt proceed to another counter and hand them the documents and let them generates watever needed for the checkups .

First station upon receive the checkup paper is lab test (take the urine test and blood test). (20mins+-)

Second station is hearring test (sit in a small enclose room and listen to the headset ,if sound heard from right ear raise right hand, left ear raise left hand , each side should hear 7 times (both high,low,deep and light tone))(Pes A in tis station)(10mins+-)

Third station is dental checkup (very fast , they only somehow check yr rear (both top and bottom) tooth and they say smth to their own collegue which i cant remember.)(Pes A in tis station)(5mins+-)

Fourth station is X-Ray (a whole bunch of us (all 1pm appointment guys)take off clothes in a room before proceed into the X-Ray room 1 by 1 (go into the room and they ask to stick yr body onto the board while standing and ask u to breath in and hold)(Pes A in tis station)(10mins+-)

Fifth station is (I cant remember wats the name called) (lol! ok Basically we all went into another room and again had to take of shirts and shoes , write on a log in/out book of locker inside the room which they had provided us with and put all our belongings inside.check yr height and weight, heart problem by sticking some funny equipment on yr chest, check of any past injuries or operations which i had fractured b4 on my left wrist)(Pes B in tis station)(30mins+-)

Last And The Most Tiring Station Of ALL !!! (Tis station alone took me abt 1hour 45mins like tt!!!)(U sit infront of the computer , the computer will ask u to take ALOT of test such as math test , imaginary test , reaction test , Logic test , picture test , memory test AND ALOT MORE TEST WITH TIMING FOR EACH!! (each test raging 20-35qns, each test raging 10-15mins to complete)Bt it is impossible to finish the qns totally due time restrain so its ok , they jus need to check yr mentallity and reaction etc etc for further helps for them)

The timing i took for every station is vary depends on how many people on the same stations , dental and hearing is the least i took as no ppl was in tt station , the rest is with a bunch of them^^

after completion , went to the counter return the paper and they hand me another paper which indicate i am Pes B Overall .-.-." due to the left wrist fractured b4 i tio Pes B , TMD ! LOL!!!

Ok guess everyone is tired after reading tis entry til here so coming nxt is Optional ^^

Everyone knows tt u cannot bring any camera device or mobilephone with camera function right? know wat my fren did ?? he first came inside CMPB's gate and had bags for scanning jus like at the airport which put yr item on a tray and passby the machine and take it back. after tt he went to the counter and issued a locker key which the locker is right BEHIND HIM BUT he did not notice it and went straight into the checkup building (pss pss , with HIS PHONE INSIDE HIS BAD WHICH ACTUALLY HE SHOULD PUT IT AT THE ENTRANCE LOCKER! unless his phone has no camera function which he did la.)
So he was wondering wat is the locker key for (cuz he nvr saw the locker which locate behind him at the entrance there) bt soon he brush off the doubt and went for checkup with me and bunch of guys. After everything was done and about to leave the building then he realise of the locker key he had been issue earlier on and LOST IT !!! i retrive my phone back form the entrance locker and return them the key and help my fren check his bag to see where he had put his locker key . he is afraid smth bad might happen so immediately tell the duty-in-charge at the counter and they ask him wat happen . well he told the truth abt being issue the locker key bt nvr put anything inside and went into the checkup building tgt with his phone , the officer hear alr kana stunn los , he was surprise tt my fren nvr put the phone inside the locker and went in tgt with his phone without any1 realise it (pss pss , it shows tt how slack they are alr at the entrance security check liao). so in the end he had to pay $20 for the lost key to be replace , i ann wei him by telling him to treat it as a entry fee for the checkup ba , lol !!! tts all for today , SORRY FOR THE LONG WINDED ENTRY !!

~LongWindedOut~
~Pes B Out~

Today is the ONLY day tt nth can replace it !!!

2008-08-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

WOOOHOOO !!!! 20-08-2008! MY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!! today really dam SHIOCK !!! morning as per normal went to sch , receive birthday "present" from my classmate , 19 times of nice little bashing . tts was nth actually , LOL !!!

so after sch went to meet SiYin at commonwealth mrt station and get my present from my meis , a cute small rocking chair design photo frame , TKS MEI !!! and i REALLY like it alot , bt unfortunately i don have any picture to put on it le , bt i still like it very much , tks tks ...

after tt went home and change and the fun parties starts , went to jp to eat the qui shin bo (sry if wrong spelling) , a jap buffet of 35.99++ / pac with my bros (qx, jim and teck) . SHIOCK SHIOCK AND LAST BT NOT LEAST , SHIOCK . Chat alot of crap things and laugh like siao lo , than i tio head prize , a nice sushi covered with 'traps' , wasabe inside . i very pei fu jim , he really camofludge the wasabe til flawless that i jus 1 mouth chunk it and .... Boom !!!! lol !!!

Really had a fun time today really tks to my bros and my frens and meis . my previous birthdays is always very simple , had dinner with my family and tts all . bt today they cannot make it so ystd in advance eat with my family le at pioneer cc the Sakae Sushi . lol ... SONG !!! 2 days of jap dinners !! hahahahaha ... tks all again for today 2008-2008 ROCKZ !!!!!!!!! really nvr had such a fun day for so so so long ........ hahaha !!! ok , tmr still gt sch so gtg sleep le , nite all ! SWEET DREAMS (think i am saying myself more correct) MUACKS TO ALL !!!!

~HAPPYZOut~
~ShiockOut~
~JAPOut~

Life goes on quite peacefully which i am really glad ;) finally some peace !!

2008-08-16T01:10:00.002+08:00

Yea , so things went normally , went to school , went to work , went home and use computer .

Although NONE of the things i manage to solve it , bt at least things went cold and down , nvr really explode in the meanwhile . Its jus like a Volcano , u did not solve it by diminish the larva inside the volcano , bt neither it explode in the meantime .

Money issue - i can't jus solve it immediately , tis i have to work and save money over time to solve it (it may take up to 6 months to solve it ??)

Relationship issue - the feelings started to cool down , not hurt tt much anymore whenever i think abt it . feeling wierd being singles . Still feel abit guilty whenever i think abt tt 'thing' tt i hurt a gal's feelings bt everything still went alrite , she did not avoid me and we still gt chat .

Family issue - no quarrel abt all the money issue temporary, i jus as usual pay my own phone bills and my own ezlink and other small paying myself . Big issues will let them adults to handle it still. Afterall i can't really help myself in money issue , how am i suppose to help my family ? Althought it sucks to see them like tt bt i am jus like a sitting duck , i cant do anything in the meantime neither.

School issue - well , though i gt 3.5 now rather than a 4 in my GPA , at least things goes out smoothly, now my tis term module quite easy , gone strive hard and gt all A's for tis term to pull back my point to abt 3.7 .

Counting down 5 more days to my b'day and 3 more days to my mum's ;) hope everything is fine til than :)

~CountDownOut~

Zzz, Y am i feeling so down today ?!?!

2008-08-01T12:41:00.002+08:00

I dunno wat happen to me , no one provoke me , nothing irritates me , but y am i feeling so moody and down now ??

Morning was still alrite , nvr go sch cuz still slightly sick so stay at home watch anime and rest . everything was alrite til now y i have tis moody feelings ? feeling down .... Jus b'cuz i 'accidentally' think back abt the past and recently wat happen tt makes me feel so down now ?

Sometimes the more u don wish to think abt it ,the more u try to keep yrself busy , the more u will think of it (the unhappiness) . Jus stop awhile from watching anime since morning , intend to take a nap til 3.30pm and prepare to work , bt jus when i ly on my bed nt more than 15mins , the feeling came , the moody and down feelings while thinking back again ... sigh ...

U can't ask me not to think abt it rite ? whenever i am alone and nothing to do , i will 'accidentally' think abt it and here comes the sucky feelings ... :(

Alrite , i shall went back to my bed and hope i can gt to sleep without thinking too much . Hope later at work i will be feeling ok and NEITHER bring my mood swing to Ikea NOR my sickness as well . Hope everything will be ok ......

~ConfuseOut~

Sick sick sick , Stupid Weather ! zzzzzzz

2008-07-31T22:55:00.002+08:00

Zzzz, sick for like 3 days already ??? had flu and cough for quite awhile , only these 3 days very jia lat jia lat . tues (29/7) work 3 hrs than go home (5-8) cuz buay tahan alr , was doing bistro cashier than gt few times see blur and double vision liao , so sup (chee wee) ask me to go home rest . lucky was on tues cuz don need mob and sweep the floor so they can afford to 1 man down in closing . today did not go sch either , whole day at home rest like zombie still nvr recover much so decided to call and cancel today's work also , some more today by rite should stock take de bt really scare like tues like tt halfway go home , go i call to cancel would be better .

Tmr gt NAPFA Test sia , die liao la , lol . Jus hope i can recover much to fit for all those things ba , *Pray* . Nth much today , stay at home and rot while resting bt seems nvr recover much til now than feel slightly better , whole day use com watch anime , anime and anime , no mood to even dota sia , so sick and lazy to move my hand .

alrite , nth much , jus wanna let yr know at least nth bad happen to me other than the sickness , i am quite glad , jus hope tis will continue ba .

~SickOut~

i dont hope for good things, i only hope no more bad things, can i ???

2008-07-25T14:03:00.003+08:00

can i dream positively and hope it really happens?? if cannot than can i AT LEAST wish for no more bad things happen to me, my frens, my family ma??

I will think more positive (at least think more neutral rather than positive as i don hope for it, i scare the more i hope positive ,the deeper i will sink it went wrong so rather think neutral , as long as no more bad things happens i am alrite with it.)Rite now i DON'T ask for good things happen to me, i DON'T ask for smile, laugh, cheerful, happiness. i only ask for NO MORE sadness to me and my surroundings, no more pain, no more pressure and NO MORE worst things coming to me , thats all i ask for , can i ???

~NeutralOut~

Calmly and think abt my probs.... recap ....

2008-07-25T00:55:00.003+08:00

My situation actually wount be tis bad IF u think individually of those probs . BUT the probs now lies with ALL these prob do LINK up to cause even more harmful and bad situations. its jus like a tornado , it form from jus pure wind , as it hits the house or items from the ground , it picks up deadly sharp objects and bring them along , tis tiem it becoem serious tornado...

starting is cuz gambling (yea tt i really admit is my fault and i stop alr), i keep losing money no matter how i try to study on the soccer stats. Soon follow by family probs , so have to help out in paying house bills and etc , phone bill , sch fee , sch items til even no money , due no money AND other issues so seldom meet up with my galfren (now ex).Due all these things happen too closely the timing tt i gt very unstable emotions and thinking tt i accidentally hurt a gals feelings by giving her false hope . All jus went too 'smoothly' jus like the tornado tt nth can stop it coming , the only thing u can do is jus wait like a sitting duck , u cant do anything without thinking it properly and neither u have the time to think properly . so every single things jus came up knocking to me til i collapse .

Ppl all keep saying to me , not to give up , all have their ups and downs so must jia you , must cool down and think of a way , everything sure has a way to solve it and alot alot more . GALS , I REALLY THANK YOU ALL FOR THE MORAL SUPPORT.

Ok, thanks is over, now back to topic ..... ppls, plz enlighten me a/some PRACTICAL way/s to solve it instead of more 'theory' ways to comfort me (still will say thnks if still give moral support) . i know tt tis i have to solve myself bt is there any PRACTICAL ideas and ways ma ??

i am still feeling blue, blur, hurt, unstable especially on emotions things such as relationship things, feeling numb also to all these bt the feeling's jus sucks ...

~NumbOutStill~

I am feeling numb already ....

2008-07-22T18:51:00.003+08:00

Had fever since sunday(20/7) night , but the fever last til now (22/7:Tues) , so call to Ikea to tell them i cannot work today. Did not see doctor cuz although fever for 3 days le but ystd was still alrite , so nvr see doc.

And so another thing happen , today alot of the staff also sick but they still so work despite they are sick, but i was the ONLY 1 tt sick and nvr go work . well , others are sick but can still go work bt y cant i ?? They sure 100% gt say things abt me wan , comon i know the staff too well , more or less they sure there saying things abt me (may nt be all of them , only some). And there goes , end up due i cannot work , they have to find another sick staff to O.T til closing 10.30pm from MORNING 8 am !!!! now i am bad guy again , i feel so dam freaking guilty and moody now , shit i hate the feelings .... Ok tell yr smth , chee wee (1 of the supervisor) somehow tell me tt i got quite a number of bad record in Ikea such as nvr come work due small things or etc and alot more , tt time i hear tis thing i dam piss off .... maybe i really do have a bad record or watever shit , so if really tts the case than if i am causing trouble to them 1day i would jus volunteer myself to quit than since i have so many bad record since tts wat chee wee say. Anw i would have quit way long time ago if not for the sake of winnie tt Ikea so so shortage of manpower , so rite now wats the point of staying if i have been told to have quite an amount of bad records ??

Its ok .... suan le , suan le , i am feeling numb on all these le .... suan le .... sigh ....

~NumbOut~

I'm going berserk and insane soon ................... yea soon .........

2008-07-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

Money problems, Family problems, Relationships problem, Friendships problem.

can i jus sleep and when i wake up :i gt no money shortage, still happily with me galfren & her parents allow us to be tgt, no family money issues problem , no friendships problem ???????? OH GOD , CAN U GRANT ME THESE WISHES????

i am really tired , i cant face my frens, my brothers , i don't dare to do a single things now b'cus it will jus end it bad , i don dare to go out now cuz i have no money , i don't dare to stay at home listen to my family problems ..... i don dare to do anything ......... i jus wanna feel like dying ................................ fuck it sucks the feeling ....

OH GOD Y ARE U TREATING ME TIS WAY , WHY U MERCILESS THROWING ALL THE THINGS TO ME AT 1 SHOT , I CAN'T EVEN BREATH AND DON'T EVEN DARE TO BREATH CUZ I SCARE I MIGHT JUS COLLAPSE ONCE I LET GO ....

~DieOut~

Ok, i had ENOUGH of tis F****** things , i had enough .....

2008-07-20T19:30:00.003+08:00

ARE U HAPPE NOW ALVIN ? TT U HURT A GALS FEELINGS NOW , HAPPY NOW ?!?!? U HAVE DONE IT U STUPID ALVIN!!!

I had enough, i really wanna escape, i wanna run, i wanna be the coward. i have alr reach the ground of my luck and wats more , my luck is digging into underground.

I cant think properly now ... i jus cant, i scare tt WATEVER SINGLE things i do now will hurt somebody cuz i CANT think properly now, i thought i am thinking properly and carefully bt in the end everthing jus screwed up .... watever i do , i screwed up hard .....

2008, Its my ITE Nitec last year , after tt intend to go poly with my gd results bt i screwed it ...... i drop to 3.533 overall (tis term i gt 2.735) which i NEVER EVER cross my mind b4 to gt tis low cuz i did WATEVER i can to help maintain it i even think to worst is only 3.8 bt end up 3.533 ..........

The gal tt i really love alot alot and had been tgt for 3 yrs 11 mths . the love bridge collapse in the end . her parent don allow her to have bf which really had alot of restriction. i cant go out with her openly , cant go her hse if her parent is at home , cant meet her up , cant have dinner with her parent as her bf status, can go out at night for movies or etc with her alone unless her parent don know (which the same as can go out openly)... it sucks .... it really does ...........................................................................................................................................

soccer bet all lose , big amount , small amount ALL JUS LOST no matter how i study , how i analyst the team , in the end i no money til i even borrow money from my brothers for my phone bills etc , family problems on money issues. since than i DID NOT BET AT ALL EVEN TIL NOW bt WHY i still cant gather the money to return my bros ! everytime i gt my pay , phone bill , ezlink card , some family house electric bills, etc etc , no money to return them again and again and again which i really SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING NO MONEY AND STILL OWE MY BROS MONEY!!!!

Due to no money , i kept myself close to outside world , i don't go out , don't shop , don't dare to go out with my brothers cuz i have gt PENNILESS in my wallet nor my bank . (i don mind telling yr , RITE NOW my bank left with $5). Everyday stay at home use computer , computer computer, the moment i think abt going out i no mood , cuz no money. i wanna say sry again ESPECIALLY to my Ex , i really let her down alot alot alot , everytime she ask me to go out , i will reject her cuz i gt no money , i really don't have the mood and money to go out , to be honest there are times i cry silently at home quite afew times , why ? cuz i let alot of ppl suffer due to my foolishness . i really stop betting for very long bt y i jus can't save money ?? i am really tired ............. the feelings sucks .....

wanna buy bicycle , no money. wanna take driving theory lessons , no money. wanna go out ,no money (year of 2008 i have buy none to myself things). i ... am .... really .... tired ...... i really do ................

i started to feel numb on all the bad things tt i cant think properly . now wats more , i have hurt a persons feelings once again , somemore its a gal tt i hurt ......... (i am such a bastard myself) FUCK!!! i should not give her false hope and even went down to bedok which causes chaos to her and causes worse than hell to myself .......

Family had alot of troubles through , money issues , money issues and money issues , fuck it .... i got no money to help my family , tts feelings sucks .... it hurts .......

HOLY FUCK ! my birthday , 20Aug , i don't wish to think abt it again , bad .... real bad things coming more ....... it wount jus end here .... i going to be insane soon .... i am tired , of everything , of everysingle thing i have done , every single fucking wrong things i have done , every single things i hurt my frens and family every single things to do to dissappoint my ex , every single moment of NO MONEY . I am like jus a sitting duck , no money to go out , cant do a single shit , dunno wat am i doing also , i really going insane soon ........ really .....

overall summary ------> I HATE MYSELF ............... bye ............. i am really tired tt i really scare of every things alr , watever i done jus nth will nicely end it . can i die to jus fucking end everyting ?

~FuckOut~
~PennilessOut~
~HurtOut~
~Sick and Tired Out~

Jus some recap and thanks !!

2008-07-09T00:55:00.004+08:00

Well, maybe u can consider tis to be smth SLIGHTLY to be smiling on.

Thanks lots lots to my brothers (Qx,Jas,Tick Ann, Preston, Xi Yang and Jimmy) for finding a day all gather and accompany me to let me feel better bros. I really appreciate it and i really enjoy the accompany , the majong , the eating at railway mall there and everything . thanks man!

Thanks to those (mei and frens) who cannot meet me up bt gt almost everyday msg me to pei me when i am feeling low, tts a great help and comfort for me, always there msg me to see how have i been doing these few days and weeks.

Thanks Eleanor for also check me out to see how i feel and doings laterly , thanks gal ^^

Thanks SiYin and Elaine for accompany me in msg when i feeling down and sad , yr almost everyday msg me to check me out yea, really appreciate it gals , thanks especially to Elaine, later phone bill blast than u jia lat jia lat , hahahaha thanks alot again.

THANKS EVERYONE !! I will not say tt i fully recover bt i will slowly standup and start walking again , jus tt the fall is deep and alot , i jus need more time to climb up back.

~Thanks Out~

There Goes My First Day Of School Re-open.....

2008-07-07T08:04:00.003+08:00

Sigh ... First day school re-open , know wat ?!?!? Morning first thing I got is sprain my leg (How "Wonderful"). Although its not really tt jia lat bt nt going school today le ... so down here blogging lo . Tis year is NOT a gd yr , I can't imagine wat will happen tis whole yr left (seriously i really gt tis feeling smth bad will gona happen on my birthday, nt B'cuz tis yr sucks so anyhw think bt i really gt tis bad feeling, i really hope is i think too much)

This Yr Gd Archievement: I Can't Think Of EVEN 1 !!!

This Yr Bad Archievement: Owe my brothers $$ , Breakup , Bad Result , Sick Here @ There So Frequently And way alot more things .

Well enuf for today man , wanna go ly down on bed and rot cuz can't sleep (i have been playing my PSP everyday at night b4 sleep jus to force me to sleep after i play til tired, tt shld be ard 3am everyday from 12 i start lying on my bed)

~LowMoralOut~

As the sentence says 'Bad things DON'T comes alone'

2008-06-25T14:03:00.002+08:00

There goes , I suddenly feel very very tired , very sick and tired of everything .........

I jus gt my results , C-Prog:A , T-Math:B , CIE:C , MCT:B
For HEAVEN SAKE how can i accept my CIE to be a 'C' !!!! I do my work nicely , do my project , do my test and score quite well , all jus went fine to me and i expect to be 'A' but WHY !?!?!?!? WHY IS 'C' !!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY F*** .... T-Math i predict is 'B' already so i've gt mentally prepared not to maintain 4 pointer but F*** EVEN MCT ALSO GT 'B' !?!?!?!?!? TMD LE LA ....

I am really very tired , i feel like jus keep sleeping and do nth now , i hope tt when i wake up , tis is a dream ............... i am tired ........

fortunate/lucky things come once in a long time , bad things comes so often and in a chain reaction tt i now understand y there are ppl wann commit suicide to avoid all these things ......

F*** tt now my GPA is HOLY F*** 3.533 ONLY !!!!!!!! from wat i expect to be 3.8 !!!!!!!! suddenly i feel like the world is treating me as i am outsider . TIS F****** WHOLE YEAR I SWAER I DON HAVE ANY GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME YET . i can't remember is there ever happy things for me to cheer me up .... F*** life SUCKS .

~F*** Out~

How I wish tis day would never happen. U will always be someone special to me no matter wat...

2008-06-24T02:28:00.005+08:00

It's been so long since my last blog ... Bt wat am I doing down here blogging at such late ?(morning should I say).

I will never forget the happy and sad times we have been through since tgt .

I will never forget the smiling , happy , sad , angry and every single expression u have on yr face when we are tgt .

I will never forget tis 3yrs 11 mths , I will NEVER forget , for without tis few years , there would nt be me for whom I am now , I may be totally another person if without u .

Thou we shall nt be able to be tgt for the rest of the time , U will always be someone special to me . juz b'cuz I still love u tats y I hope u can find a better half to be with u through yr rest of yr lifetime happily tgt .

In any case , thou we have breakup , bt it is fortunate that we really peacfully break , we really say things out , chatting and laughing at last time when we are angry of each other (we still can laugh abt it!!) EVEN those worse time when we hurt each other most we also can chatting peacefully and even laugh abt it on the stupid things we have done tt time .

I'm glad tt we don't have to quarrell and break , it hurts . Bt peacefully break also feels wierd , jus b'cuz we still have feelings (wondering y still have feelings for each other bt still breaks ? it's complicated to blog it and let yr know).

Tis may be the last time I can say ...>>> I Love U <<<...
Jus B'cuz i still love u so the more i don't wanna hurt u anymore , may/ may not be a good choice , bt peacefully break is a great fortunate I can ever hope for.

~Peace Out~ May God Bless U & Guide U To Find Yr Better Half & Take Care Of U For3v3r !

EXAM IS OVER !!!!!!!!!

2008-06-06T12:22:00.002+08:00

WoooHooo ! Finally my exam is over and is time to enjoy while chiong work liao , heehee . The test paper is still alright bt gt a section i forgot is 5 or 10 marks gone ! cuz tat question is a rare topic , meaning neither teacher nor student predict tt qns will come out lor , all of us CHUI AR on tt qns. I go ask my other '4' pointer fren frm other class they all also dunno or only gt 1-2 point from tt qns (for me i gt NONE!) .-.-." , bt overall that paper still consider easy le , lucky i gt meet my fren in the morning and revise abit , if not i will be more chui wor.

Well since exam is over , wat i wanna do these few weeks >1.) spend more time with me gal ^^ . 2.)Work more in holiday if not no chance to earn more money!! . 3.) Go out with my Brothers more often ba :P . 4.)Play Hard & Work Hard . lolx .

~Peace Out~

So Tired!!! And Exam Is Drawing Near X.X

2008-05-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

Well , dunno y but these few days so tired de , hmmm , not enough sleep ? maybe bahz... Ok back to topic, my exam is coming liao (5th june) , I still gt confidence in maintaining the '4' points ba which i still do quite well on all my modules . jus 2 weeks ago I still very worried tt i cannot maintain it le cuz nt jus my exam result must be gd bt also my class test and tutorial tt I have done during normal lessons also . bt now come to think of it , actually the class test still not as hard as I worried it might be (Guess i worried too much! bt still cannot relax yet!)

Today morning I am so dumb lo, I am preparing to take retest for my MCT practical test (which require me to write out my own programming and test out to see if its working anot) cuz last week when i doing my MCT Prac test , I write my own program out le bt it seems like it does'nt work no matter how i trouble shoot my program le than i ask my teacher during the test wat happen if my program cannot work than he say prepare to fail and take the retest nxt week(which is today) lo , so tis morning i was preparing the equipment so as my classmate as well than my teacher suddenly say i don need to take !!! I ask y than he say cuz i am the only 1 tt pass !!! althought my program cannot work bt i manage to write the program very well tt I understand wat I am doing clearly (y my program cannot work cuz i key the wrong figure, it should be 'PORTB equ $1004' i go key 'PORTB equ $1002' , which make the whole program cannot work) bt the rest of my program is correct . MCT Prac I am abt the only 1 tt pass in high mark in all the test in my group and the only 2-3 ppl tt pass in my class (cuz MCT Prac my class split into 2 group) so basically wat i do in MCT Prac class is i jus trying out again the test programming and it work and i went to sleep while the rest of my classmate struggling for the retest , lol .

After morning MCT Prac class , went to each lunch at West Mall and come back for my T-Math test!!!! starting really very nervous cuz i totally nvr study at all !! bt in the end the test is way too easy than wat i expected it to be , HeeHee :P

Actually today gt work de bt i cancel it cuz i have to write the program for my MCT Prac class Project which tml is the date due , so log in blog abit than now going to write my program le , cya !

~Peace Out~

There goes my FIRST Blog!! haha

2008-05-12T13:46:00.000+08:00

Yup ! and here I am in my FIRST blog . .-.-." Well I am really lousy at all these blogging etc BUT I can't jus get left out behind while everyone else is blogging rite ?!? Although it is consider late to start but still better than nth rite ^^ heehee :P

Well since i started tis blog and i will make sure i am active in it if not wads the point in cr8ting yea? Well tt's all for now , quite tiring work in cr8ting a blog since i am a freshman in tis thing

~Peace Out~